Everything I Needed To Know I Learned From Pro Wrestling (Pt. 6--What the Internet Wrestling Community Would Think of The Lord of the Rings by Vince McMahon)

It sure has been a long time since I posted on this blog! Lots has been going on: I moved to another state, started a new job, and have spent quite a lot of my blogging energy on my college admissions related blog, Tip of the C.A.P.  But I'm always trying to come up with good ideas for this blog, and the latest one--while a bit complicated to explain--is a doozy.

Not everyone knows this about me, but I am a very big fan of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings trilogy.  I first read The Lord of the Rings when I was 12 in 1982, and I read it twice each year until 2003. Since then I've cut back, but I still read the trilogy (along with The Silmarillion) annually, to the point where I have large parts of the works memorized. I've always taken the books seriously; in fact, I remember a student-led January Term class about the books in college that I left in disgust when the teacher couldn't pronounce the Elvish words properly. It's not that hard--the books have pronunciation tables and everything! Of course I love the stories, but I also love how it is possible to find new ideas in the books. For instance, while Tolkien said he had always had "a cordial dislike of allegory", in the last decade I've come to read the One Ring as a drug, and the people who would possess it as addicts, permanently scarred by their experience with something so destructive. 

While the Tolkien fandom might be less well-known, I have not made a secret of the fact that I've been a fan of professional wrestling for over 30 years. And if there is a real life, "Lord of the Rings" today, it is none other than Vincent Kennedy McMahon, the longtime owner of (and frequent onscreen participant in) World Wrestling Entertainment. McMahon, or "Vince" as he is known to the dedicated fans who make up the so-called "Internet Wrestling Community", or IWC is frequently blamed for unpopular storylines, match outcomes, and the successes (or lack thereof) of particular wrestlers. Wrestling is based around the idea of fans (or "marks") being suckered into giving their money to a promoter, and Vince is the greatest promoter of all time. But some fans are considered "smart marks", or "smarks" and they derive the most fun out of second-guessing everything they see from WWE, almost always while blaming Vince McMahon for everything they dislike or disagree with. 

All of this helps to explain the brainwave I had the other day. It suddenly occurred to me to wonder what the feedback would be if Vince McMahon got rid of Good Ol' JRR and was responsible for what happened in Middle-earth. I imagine it might go a little something like this:

• "So typical of Vince to give away Gandalf vs. the Balrog in the middle of The Fellowship of the Ring--it should have been saved for a major Pay Per View".

• "So typical that Éowyn should have to dress like a man to be in the Battle of Pelennor Fields in The Return of the King--you'd never see Ronda Rousey doing that. Some #DivasRevolution!"

• "So typical of Vince to have the sword of Elendil carried around for 2000 years all broken and dull--no one respects titles anymore".

• "So typical of Vince. He loves old, big guys who can't move. Treebeard should retire already, he's so stiff he can't even bend at the waist!"

• So typical of Vince to team Gimli the Dwarf with Legolas the Elf. Everyone knows Vince doesn't like short, bearded guys. He must think Gimli is a B+ player.

• "Sauron's a monster heel, but Vince only gives us one scene with his spokesman "The Mouth of Sauron" in The Return of the King. It would have been so much better with Paul Heyman, but Vince has beef with Heyman. So typical.

That's all I've got for now. Leave a comment below with your suggestions. Thanks for reading!

Everything I Needed To Know I Learned From Pro Wrestling (Pt. 5--GoingTo A Live Show-What A Rush!)

On January 10, 2014, the Sassy Librarian and I were treated to a night out by our awesome friends, Harry and Meredith.  And not just any night out, but tickets to the WWE live event at our local arena in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. If you've been following this blog you know that I've been a wrestling fan for a long time, but this was my first time ever seeing professional wrestling in person. You might know that the WWE has weekly televised programs, such as Monday Night Raw, Main Event, and Friday Night Smackdown!, but they put on shows nearly every day somewhere in the world (in fact after our show the whole crew drove through the night to do it again in Buffalo the next day).  Untelevised exhibitions are known in the business as "house shows"; while the "storylines" from the televised shows are not furthered at these events, they still feature multiple high quality matches and entertaining diversions.  Some people think that house shows are more fun to attend than TV tapings; I can't vouch for that, but I can say that I had more fun at this event than I have in a month of Sundays.  It was so awesome to cheer and boo energetically--I woke up the next day hoarse from screaming. And unlike real sports, there is no danger of hurting anyone's feelings because they want us to boo them!

There are a few differences between house shows and TV tapings, mainly that during the house show the house lights are dim (which made taking pictures with my old camera phone a chore); there are no pyrotechnic displays, and the TitanTron is not there, instead there are simply comparatively smaller LCD screens at the top of the entrance ramp.  It would be pretty cool to see (and hear) what it is like with the full production values, and by the intermission halfway through the show we had agreed that we will find out the next time a TV taping takes place in Wilkes-Barre.  I'll let you know!

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The video displays and music began about 15 minutes before the scheduled start time. The large video display showed pictures of Superstars and Divas who were at the show, and also tweets from members of the "WWE Universe" in attendance. They also ran a promotion where spectators could text their choice of whether the Divas tag match should be a "Divas Dance-Off" or a traditional tag match.  I voted for the regular match, but the Sassy Librarian chose the dance off. During this prelude we made a trip to the concession stand to purchase t-shirts (and a replica championship belt, in Harry's case). Though we are both members of the "Cenation", I overpaid opted for the "Property Of" shirt, while the Sassy Librarian picked the latest John Cena garment.

The show kicked off promptly at 7:30; we were welcomed by ring announcer Byron Saxton. I'd never heard of Saxton (who is a member of NXT, the developmental show for WWE), but he should be a star.  He is a handsome, well-built, charismatic guy who was good on the mike.  If he can't wrestle he could be an announcer, a manager or anything. I look forward to watching his career take off.

Having never been to a house show I didn't know what to expect, but we got seven matches in total. Four of the matches were tag team tilts; I've previously written about the dynamics of this type of contest, so it was cool to see so many in person. The matches were all technically good and some of them were real humdingers, including the two title defenses!  Here is the complete list, followed by summaries:

1. Diego and Fernando (with El Torito) vs. Ryback and Curtis Axel
2. Alberto Del Rio vs. Sin Cara
3. Diva Dance Off between the Brie Bella and Nikki Bella and Alicia Fox and Aksana
4. Goldust* and Cody Rhodes* vs. Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro (with Zeb Colter) for the WWE Tag Team Championship
5. Titus O'Neill and Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre (with Heath Slater)
6. Alexander Rusev vs. Justin Gabriel
7. John Cena vs. Randy Orton* for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

*-indicates that they entered the match as the Champion

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Match #1: Los Matadores with El Torito def. Rybaxel: The cousins Primo and Epico, who had a nice career portraying Puerto Rican high flyers, have recently reappeared as masked Spanish torreadors, accompanied by an anthropomorphic bull, played by little person wrestler Mascarita Dorada. They were taking on heel wrestlers Ryback and Curtis Axel.  Ryback gave a somewhat in character interview with a local paper to hype the event; at least I hope it was in character, or he's even more of a jerk. Axel is a "third generation superstar" whose father "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig was a star of my youth. This match had a lot of humor right from the beginning, when one of Los Matadores stole Axel's shirt and blew his nose in it, enraging Axel, who then charged at it like an angry bull.  It was funnier in person. The tilt featured a number of athletic moves, from Ryback military pressing one of Los Matadores and holding him overhead for almost a minute to one of Los Matadores walking on his hands across the ring.  The problem with this match may be evident in the summary--because Los Matadores dress alike and wear masks, it is impossible to tell which is which.  In the end, interference from El Torito led to Axel getting pinned 1-2-3 in the center of the ring.  It was a fun match and got the crowd energized, but it was a little confusing.  Personally I liked Primo and Epico, and think this new gimmick sucks.  But I wish them luck.  Also, I don't see the appeal of Axel, and Ryback is a creep. Earlier this week on Raw he subtly insulted ring announcer Lilian Garcia.  As a result, I shouted "You suck Ryback, and I don't like what you said about Lilian!"  He pretended to ignore me--he was probably scared.  Match grade: B

Match # 2: Alberto Del Rio def. Sin Cara by submission: Personally I really like Del Rio, even though he has become a heel again (or a rudo as they would say in Mexico, as opposed to a technico). And I don't like Sin Cara, even though the Sin Cara we saw was not the Sin Cara who has been on tv for the last year or so. That's good, because the old Sin Cara sucked.  I also don't like the way that the producers change the arena lighting when Sin Cara comes out, like he's magical or something. This match was a little confusing, because even though ADR is a heel, the audience was much more into him. At one point he tried to get Sin Cara to shake hands--Sin Cara wavered on this for what seemed like an eternity, and eventually just kicked ADR instead, so we will never know if "The Mexican Aristocrat" had good intentions or not. He looked good and pretty ripped muscle-wise despite what the "dirt sheets" are reporting.  This match featured a lot of back and forth, and some athletic moves, but there wasn't much ring psychology. For instance, at one point Del Rio nearly got Sin Cara's mask off. In Mexican wrestling, this is a serious thing, but in this match it was like an afterthought.  Del Rio won with his cross arm-breaker submission hold, which looked pretty painful. Match grade: B

Match #3.1: Diva Dance Off: The Bella Twins have been fixtures on WWE for a number of years, usually playing valets or using their identical appearance to perpetrate "Twin Magic" on their opponents (one Bella would be wrestling, then when she would get tired, the other would sneak in the ring and finish the match).  They are generally "Mean Girls" but I really like them, because like me they are avid fans of the Philadelphia Eagles.  They left the business for a year or so, but have recently returned, partly to star on the reality show "Total Divas".  Since the show has been a success, (and because in real life they are romantically linked with good guys John Cena and Daniel Bryan) the WWE has been presenting the Bellas as babyfaces. The twins used to present the same problem as Los Matadores, but during their hiatus, Nikki Bella's chest was surgically enhanced, making it easy to tell them apart (and giving new meaning to the phrase "twin magic") The Bellas started the dance off with some synchronized moves, though only Nikki "twerked" as the young kids call it before they were viciously attacked by Alicia and Aksana, who then ran away up the ramp.  Brie grabbed a mic and challenged the heels to a real match and the twins physically brought them back down to the ring.

Match #3.2: Bella Twins def. Alicia Fox and Aksana: Usually Divas matches are either omitted from television, or are only given a few minutes of air time.  This match lasted almost 10 minutes, and all four women showed great athleticism and enthusiasm.  There were some downsides, however: on the one hand, Alicia and Brie are toothpicks who do not look very physically intimidating.  Aksana, on the other hand, was a power lifting champion, and looks like she could break the other women in half; unfortunately she is not a very good professional wrestler.  This was entertaining, but I think that the young boy behind us spoke for many when he asked his mom "when will this be over?".  Match grade: B  After the match the Bellas spent a lot of time signing autographs and thanking the crowd, which was nice. 

Match #4: The Brotherhood def. The Real Americans (with Zeb Colter) to retain the Tag Team Titles:  Last spring I wrote about a new angle in the WWE, where bigoted xenophobe "Zeb Colter" took hick former champ Jack Swagger under his belt and spouted lots of politically incorrect garbage. That has continued, with the inclusion of Swiss superstar Antonio Cesaro (?!) into the confusingly named tag team "The Real Americans".  Prior to the match, Colter got a lot of heel heat by calling us "Altoona", saying that the crowd was full of "ugly women and fat men", and pointing out the dozens of "illegal immigrants" in the audience.  Basically he sounded like the people who write online comments for our local newspapers.  Fortunately most of the crowd booed him, but not enough. Recently Cody Rhodes has been joined by his real-life half-brother Dustin (who is reprising his 1990's character "Goldust" without as much of the homoeroticism). 

While it is vanishingly rare for titles to change hands at a house show, it is not impossible, so it was great to see a championship match up close.  This was a really super tag match.  Goldust, at age 44, played "the face in peril"for most of the match, constantly striving for the tag with his brother to no avail.  At one point, just as he was about to make the tag, Cesaro cheap-shotted Cody off the apron, so that when Goldy reached for help there was no one there. The psychology in this match was excellent. Every man got his signature moves in (Cody Rhodes, in particular, is amazing as a high flyer, and at one point he held Cesaro in a very long vertical suplex) but the drama came from numerous missed tags and false finishes. Cody eventually got the hot tag and the place went nuts--the release of tension was palpable. The champs won by pinfall as expected after a long, exciting match. Match grade: A+  Following the match the brothers spent a lot of time signing autographs and taking pictures.  At the top of the ramp, Cody grabbed a mic and put over how great it's been to be reunited with his brother.  It was very emotional, which made me practically salivate over the possibility that one will turn on the other at the upcoming Royal Rumble. Don't forget, Cain slaying Abel was the world's first heel turn! 

Match #5: Prime Time Players def. 3MB (with Heath Slater ringside): After a 15 minute-long intermission (to sell merchandise and let everyone go to the bathroom) we were given another tag team match.  I have been very high on the Prime Time Players (PTP) for months--I think they have great chemistry, look great, and are extremely marketable. Unfortunately no one but the Sassy Librarian seems to agree with me, because they are not given much time on television, except for recently when Darren Young came out as an openly gay pro athlete, and the rest of the WWE congratulated him.  The reaction to this shouldn't be a big surprise, considering that longtime WWE figure and McMahon family consigliere Pat Patterson is one of several openly gay people in the organization; but considering the homophobia in football and basketball, to name just two other sports, it was definitely welcome.

This was a very fun match featuring lots of strength moves by Titus O'Neil.  I really "mark out" for him. Titus will be 37 this year, so he may be too old to ever become champion, but he has what it takes. We saw a lot of big men last night, but O'Neil made the strongest impression on us--he is massive! Titus pinned Jinder Mahal with a sit-down powerbomb that shook the whole ring. Match grade: B+ After the match PTP signed autographs and posed for pictures, even doing the "Millions of Dollars" dance with some fans. 

Match #6: Alexander Rusev def. Justin Gabriel by submission: This was an unexpected treat.  I have never seen Rusev on the NXT show (which is only available online or on Hulu Plus), but rumor has it that he will soon be promoted to the main roster. Who knows, he may make his television debut wrestling Justin Gabriel!  If so, it will be pretty good. The Bulgarian giant, who wrestles barefoot, met the lithe South African kick for kick, but Gabriel's speed was no match for Rusev's strength (and Rusev is very quick for a 300 pounder).  This match was interesting, and the men did a good job of selling the idea that they were not familiar with each other, which made their initial caution understandable. Match grade: B

Main Event: John Cena def. Randy Orton by DQ (Orton Retains The Championship): To paraphrase WWE announcer Michael Cole "the place was electric" when this match started.  Meredith's cellphone video of Cena's entrance might give a clue.

John Cena and Randy Orton have been WWE mainstays for 12 years and the current storyline is that Randy Orton wants to be called "the face of the company" because he's jealous of Cena's holding that status. Wrestling fans are either huge fans of Cena, or dislike him intensely which is why his arrival results in duelling chants of "Let's Go Cena!" and "Cena Sucks!" The "smarks" would have you believe that children are Cena fans and adults despise him; I've always dismissed this, but now I may have to reconsider. The Sassy One and I were chanting "Let's Go Cena", but it was interesting to note that the "Cena Sucks" chants were in a deeper vocal register.  One fun feature was the two children in front of us--the girl on the left holding a Randy Orton sign, and the boy dressed like Cena in every detail except the jorts. When the chanting started, the boy seemed so betrayed when she screamed "Cena Sucks!"

Considering that these two are among the biggest, highest paid stars in the company and that this match will be a huge highlight of the Royal Rumble in two weeks, they didn't hold anything back.  Some big bumps on the floor, crashing into the unforgiving steel steps, and lots of near falls were highlights of this action packed match that lasted for over 20 minutes.  Each man also hit his signature moves on multiple occasions, kicking out each time.

It was really amazing how much louder the arena was during this match.  It was like these two brought the night to a whole other level.  Since they broke in with the WWE in 2002 (and even before that in Ohio Valley Wrestling) Cena and Orton have probably wrestled each other hundreds of times, and it really showed.  They obviously knew each others' moves, and knew that they could trust the other man to make the match look good.  Sometimes I get bored watching Cena and Orton on television, because they often resort to the same moves over and over.  That happened in person, but the energy from the crowd was infectious and I didn't mind at all.  This was a clinic by two great stars, and I was so glad to see it in person.

At one point the two grapplers traded big blows and

it was pretty easy to see how widely Cena's punches missed. This made me really appreciate the camera operators and producers of WWE's televised product.  No matter how closely I watch on TV, the action almost always looks genuine. Another thing that was cool to see in person was how much effort the referees put in to make the matches so exciting. While it is hard to tell this on television, in person it was really cool to see how much they moved around to put themselves in a position that required them to have to run all the way around the wrestlers before counting the pin, giving the man on the bottom just enough time to kick out.

In this video from Meredith the referee was actually in a pretty good position for the count, but you can get a sense of the engagement level of the crowd. You will see Orton catch Cena in a thunderous powerslam and go for the cover, only for John to kick out at two and a half.  It was really exciting, and you can hear the enthusiasm of the spectators:

The end of the match was thrilling.  Orton had Cena on the far ropes, and as the referee came over to separate them he was knocked over.  I could see this coming (though it took the Sassy Librarian by total surprise, which made me feel like even more of a smart mark), and I couldn't stop smiling when the official was knocked over and became insensate. Cena got Orton to tap out to the STF, but the ref was down!  I shouted "Get up Chad! Get up!" and after checking on him, Cena made the "X" sign to the back to signal (to the smarks) that the ref was seriously injured and that they needed another official. At that point Orton caught Cena in the RKO and roused the ref only for Cena to kick out again!  I was breathless from screaming when Orton crotched Cena with a low blow and was disqualified. Match Grade: A+ Following the match Orton posed with his belts and then Cena sent the crowd home happy by picking up Orton and hitting the AA.  Cena posed for a long time and then the lights came up and we headed for home.

I was so impressed with the quality of the presentation and had too much fun to quantify.  Our seats were somewhat pricey (thanks again, Harry and Meredith!) but the cheap seats are still pretty close to the action and are a reasonable $15 each.  All in all, this is quality entertainment that delivers real bang for the buck.  As a longtime wrestling fan I expected to like it, but was surprised how much I loved it.  I think everyone reading this owes it to themselves to check out the WWE when they hit your neighborhood.  You won't be sorry.

Everything I Needed To Know I Learned From Pro Wrestling (Pt. 4--The Anti-American All-American)

If you've followed this blog over the past few years, you would know that professional wrestling is a huge interest of mine.  I've already written about cage matches and about "the original Pearl Harbor job", but this post will focus more sharply on the aspect of professional wrestling characters, specifically those who are identified as "American Heroes".

While professional wrestlers are above all else, outstanding athletes, part of the appeal to "sports entertainment" is that each of the wrestlers portrays an easy to understand character.  Some are good guys, or "faces", while others are the bad guys, also known as "heels".  In rare cases, characters inhabit a middle ground, and thus are known as "tweeners" (bad guys who get cheers, or good guys who get boos).  Sometimes these personae are derived from the actions of the wrestler, such as when Stone Cold Steve Austin represented the blue collar worker against the treacherous, exploitative management of WWE owner Vince McMahon.  But often times, a wrestler's character comes from more primitive-level appeals, such as nationalism. I've previously linked to some articles about national and ethnic stereotypes in wrestling, and how they can serve as a short-hand way to explain a wrestler's motivations and actions.  

Over the years, a reliable way to get a wrestler "over" (popular with the fans) has been to make him appear to be very patriotic.  Perhaps the best example is that of legendary wrestler Hulk Hogan, whose theme song proclaimed that he was "a real American/fighting for the right of every man".

At one point, due to storyline exigencies I won't go into here, Hogan was forced to wrestle in a mask, coming out as "The American Patriot", a star-spangled heavyweight whose moves, voice and theme song were remarkably identical to the then-banned Hulkster.  Naturally the fans were aware of what was going on and cheered lustily whenever the masked hero managed to prevail over the dastardly Vince McMahon and his minions.

Other examples of characters who have gained popularity through their appeal to pro-Americanism include Sgt. Slaughter, a real-life former Marine, Kurt Angle, the only American Olympic gold medalist to wrestle professionally, and "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, who appealed to a very base level of patriotism, usually by putting down other countries and getting fans to chant "U-S-A, U-S-A" in response to his every action.   Duggan gained his appeal early on when, in the midst of Reagan-era Cold War tensions he prevented "Russian" Nikolai Volkoff and the Iranian Iron Sheik from singing the Soviet national anthem prior to a match.  

This video gives a good example of Duggan's shtick, including a "flag match" versus "Russian" Boris Zhukov, in which the winner's national banner will fly proudly in the arena. In the interview prior to the match, Duggan runs down Quebecois heel Dino Bravo as well as the Soviet strongman Zhukov. 

Besides Duggan's antics, listen to the classic commentary between face play-by-play man Vince McMahon (who at the time was not known to be the owner of the company) and heel color commentator Jesse "The Body" Ventura.  Ventura, a real-life former Navy SEAL and future governor of Minnesota is a classic heel, putting down both Duggan and his fans.  For what it's worth, the announcing is a great example of why Jesse "The Body" was my favorite when I was a kid.  Even though his grammar is poor, and he supports the bad guys, he comes off as rational and intelligent, even when making excuses for Zhukov's loss. 

Sometimes, in an effort to freshen up someone's character, good guys do a "heel turn" and become bad guys.  When this happens to someone known for patriotism, it can be confusing. In 1991, Sgt. Slaughter became a pro-Iraqi heel. This turn is still talked about today, and especially to younger viewers, it must have been shocking to see an American hero go against his country like that. 

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All of this is mere prologue to discuss a fascinating variation on this classic theme currently being aired on WWE programming.  For the past five or six years, a wrestler known as Jack Swagger  (real name Jake Hager) has hovered around the top echelons of the WWE.  Whether a face or a heel, Swagger has proclaimed himself to be "the All-American American", alluding to twice winning academic all-American awards at the University of Oklahoma.  Swagger has great size and can be intimidating in the ring, though a speech impediment makes him less threatening on the microphone.  He has briefly been the World Heavyweight Champion, and until 2012 was usually seen as a serious main-event wrestler.   For some reason (storyline or falling into disfavor with management due to multiple failed tests for marijuana) Swagger went on a months-long losing streak in 2012, culminating in him "walking out" on WWE for several months. 

Swagger returned out of the blue in February 2013, winning the Elimination Chamber match to become the #1 contender for the Heavyweight title, which at the time was held by Alberto Del Rio.  Del  Rio had been a heel (the "Mexican Aristocrat") who came to the ring in a different luxury car every day but had made a face turn, and was now seen as a plucky Everyman who was living the American dream through his success in the WWE.

Swagger didn't return alone.  He brought with him a manager/mouthpiece named "Zeb Colter".  Colter is portrayed by former wrestler "Dirty Dutch" Mantel.  Colter is billed as Swagger's "Founding Father",  the man who inspires Swagger to new heights by motivating him to "restore America for real Americans".  He even encouraged Swagger to rename his signature ankle lock hold the "Patriot Lock" (it was called the "Patriot Act" for a week or so, but that was a bit too charged, I guess). 

It turns out that Swagger and Colter hate undocumented immigrants, and much like Arizona Sherrif Joe Arpaio, assume that all Latinos are in the country illegally.  Swagger's new slogan "We The People" applies to the "us versus them" approach that has him accusing Del Rio of being an illegal immigrant, while Del Rio can present himself as a American success story; as a man who found a land of opportunity in the USA. 

Swagger and Colter may be a great pair, but Mantel and Hager do not seem to be ideal companions.  Swagger has been known to have problems with marijuana, and shortly after the two were brought together, he was arrested for driving under the influence after a show in Mississippi.  That is morally reprehensible enough, but it must have been especially hard for Dutch, considering that only a few months before, his granddaughter was killed by a person driving under the influence. Mantel is an old pro, but Swagger is an accident-prone goof who has more than once injured people in the ring, including broadcaster Jim Ross a few years ago, and current champion Dolph Ziggler a few weeks ago. 

Despite the arrest and injuring the top wrestler in the company, Swagger has continued to get a "push", perhaps because the WWE hope that the politically tinged message will garner them extra publicity.  At the beginning of their pairing, some right-wing media picked up on what seemed to be attacks on the Tea Party movement.  Radio host Glenn Beck got in the act, which led to Swagger and Colter inviting Beck onto Monday Night Raw to debate them (naturally, Beck didn't show up).  

The thing that interests me the most about this character development is that Swagger has NEVER been cheered for his xenophobia.  In fact, in an effort to protect the character, announcers are careful to make sure to speculate that Colter has "brainwashed" Swagger, thus putting the blame on the manager, not the wrestler. The only one to stand up for the duo is heel color commentator John "Bradshaw" Layfield, a brash Texan who praises Colter for being a Vietnam Vet (and thus, an American hero).  At one point, on "Old-School" Raw, WWE legends Dusty "The American Dream" Rhodes and Sgt. Slaughter accompanied "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan as he came out to face Swagger and Colter. 

As you can tell from the video, Swagger gets a huge amount of heel "heat" for beating up three legends known for their patriotism, but he also gets berated by the announcers, saying that they want no part of Swagger's America.

I have found the audience reaction to Swagger and Colter to be very interesting. It is well-known that despite what the writers want, it is up to the "WWE Universe" to decide what will be popular (or not).  Swagger and Colter have been booed from the outset, despite the fact that they would seem to represent the views of many "real" Americans.   The "non-partisan" (not really) Federation for American Immigration Reform has collated the results of numerous surveys that seem to show that the majority of Americans believe that porous borders (mainly to the south) are a serious threat to the United States and that illegal immigrants "harm" American workers.

If the numbers are so convincing, then why do wrestling fans boo Swagger and cheer Del Rio?   I think that it has to do with fairness and familiarity.  When Americans answer pollsters' questions on immigration, they equate "following the rules" with fairness, and so naturally someone who breaks immigration laws is not deserving of approbation.  But when they see and hear the venom coming from Colter and Swagger, it turns them off.  Similarly, the idea of a generic Latino "stealing jobs and draining resources" is unpopular, but the charismatic Del Rio is a fan favorite for his fighting spirit, charm and resiliency.  And then when Swagger and Colter have also run down other fan favorites like heel Englishman Wade Barrett:



and Canadian-American face Chris Jericho:

 
the fans rebel against such unfair, discriminatory and rude behavior toward people that they think they "know".  I think that this is not unlike the way that homophobes change their minds and support same-sex marriage once they learn that someone they know and like is gay.

I wonder if the powers-that-be in the WWE expected such a negative reaction to Swagger's new persona?   And if they did, what does that say about America?  WWE fans are a cross-section of the population, with a weekly total viewership of 14,000,000.  According to the WWE's corporate website, 58% of the WWE audience has at least some college education, nearly half have household incomes over $60,000 and 36% of viewers are female.  Perhaps most telling is the number of Hispanic viewers.  According to WWE research, Monday Night Raw is the most watched weekly show among Hispanic men (also African Americans) and Friday Night Smackdown is the most watched Friday night show among Hispanic men. By the end of this decade, 12 states and the District of Columbia will have "majority-minority" populations, and California and New Mexico will have a plurality of Latinos.  The WWE is a publicly traded company and they know that to increase shareholder value they must keep viewership high.  By building up characters like Del Rio the WWE is creating strong Hispanic fan favorites who will help the company maintain their grip on minority viewership.  And there is no better way to do that than to have a big, xenophobic bully drawing heat.  I think that the WWE knew exactly what they were doing.  Because anti-immigration bigots can now feel that their views are being freely aired on WWE programming, and more progressive people can feel glad when announcers criticize Swagger and Colter and can cheer when he loses a big match.  This way, more people will tune in, and the company will continue to succeed.

I'd love to know what your thoughts are on this topic.  Please feel free to leave a comment!

Everything I Needed To Know I Learned From Pro Wrestling (Pt. 2--Cage Matches)

As I've already noted in this space, I have been a fan of professional wrestling for over thirty years.  One of the things I appreciate about wrestling is the storyline aspect of a good match.  When things are done right, two grapplers will battle over and over again, sometimes exchanging victories, until there is a final showdown.  This showdown (known as the "blow-off" in wrestling vernacular) is often timed to take place at a major event; which in the case of large national promotions like the WWE,  would be a Pay Per View (PPV) event.

Of course, it isn't always cut and dried.  Many times the rivalry is between a good guy (a "babyface") and a bad guy (a "heel").  In these cases, you can never expect the heel to play by the rules.  Chances are, at some point in the build up he will have won by cheating, perhaps using one of the following methods:

• using a foreign object, like a chair
• getting assistance from a partner, a manager, or a valet
• distracting the referee so that he misses an obvious violation of the rules

Regardless of how it happens, if enough tension has built up between the two wrestlers, the blow-off needs to be something that guarantees a final victory for one of the contestants.  For decades, the best way to ensure this is to have the match take place "inside a steel cage". In a cage match, the wrestling ring is enclosed in a cage, and the victory can only be had by pinfall, submission or escaping the cage.  In many cases the referee is actually OUTSIDE the cage, so inside the walls, anything goes.  

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Recently the Sassy Librarian and I got a treadmill for our house. I have come to enjoy using it in conjunction with Netflix on my iPad.  I just set up a video to stream, and the miles go by in a snap.  Today I traversed my 4+ miles while watching WWE: The Greatest Cage Matches of All Time.  I hadn't previously watched any of the WWE sets on Netflix, but I was quite impressed with this one.  It contained a half dozen matches covering the mid-1970's through 2009 (the actual DVD set has many more matches, but this is 2 hours of fun for free).  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get into the matches, since I wasn't party to the build up of the rivalries, but I was quite wrong.  Hall of Fame announcer Jim Ross provided so much plot exposition that I quickly caught on to the excitement. Two matches stood out in particular:

1.  Lex Luger v. Ric Flair (1990) for the WCW Heavyweight Championship
2. The Rock v. Triple H (1999) for the WWF World Title

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In the first match,  the challenger Lex Luger came down to the ring first, followed by WCW champ Ric Flair.  Parenthetically, I was on an airplane with Flair the previous year, and it was amazing to see him maintain his persona in the airport and during the flight.  He was "stylin' and profilin'" with the flight attendants--it was a sight to see! 

For this match, Flair was accompanied by his valet, "Woman".  Woman later went on to marry wrestler Chris Benoit, who tragically murdered her and their son before taking his own life.  Before the match went on, the referee frisked both wrestlers, looking for foreign objects.  Luger demanded that the ref check Woman, which caused Flair to erupt in anger.  But when a blade was found in Woman's glove, it proved to have been a wise move.  

The cage used in this match was not like the one pictured above--it also had a roof.  There was no way out of this cage--a final victory by pinfall or submission was the only way to win.  As the match began, Ross told us that Luger had only just got out of the hospital, where a knee infection had kept him for the past two weeks.  The announcers wondered whether this would restrict his legendary strength, but when Luger slammed Flair twice with military presses, it seemed that his knee was fine.  This was important, of course, because Flair's most famous move, the "figure four leg lock" was known to target weak knees. 

Luger dominated the match early on, with Flair showing his craven cowardice (like all heels) by trying vainly to escape the steel structure.  During one of these attempts, Luger slammed his head repeatedly ("like a tennis ball" as we were told) into the cage, busting Flair's head open, and making him wear the crimson mask. Eventually Flair turned the tide while working over Luger's knee, illegally using the ropes for leverage while the ref's back was turned.  Then suddenly all Hell broke loose!  Flair's posse, the Four Horsemen ran down to the ring and tried to get into the cage.  And they succeeded!  As the cage rose, they ran into the ring to attack Luger.  Then Luger's fellow "Dude With Attitude", Sting (in real life, business partners in a well known bodybuilding gym in Atlanta) came down with the late "El Gigante" to make the save.  Flair was disqualified, but you can't lose a title by DQ, so he was able to leave with the belt, while making a frightening spectacle (something like the one above) in the post match interview.

What made this match so cool, of course was the swerve. We had been conditioned to believe that the cage was impregnable, and that a final verdict would have to come (and, of course, that justice would be served with a Flair loss), but it didn't happen.   Despite this match being over 20 years old, from a promotion that doesn't exist anymore, I was totally gripped by this match.  The wrestlers (with the help of the announcers and referee) told a great story.

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The second match took place in the WWF (now WWE, after complaints from the World Wildlife Fund), during a PPV from Manchester, England in 1999.  This match pitted two "young" (according to JR) superstars against each other, the emerging face hero "The Rock", versus the villianous Triple H.  HHH was affiliated at the time with his real-life girlfriend Chyna, a very muscular female bodybuilder who now does X-rated movies. HHH's name comes from his initials, which stand for "Hunter Hearst Helmsley".  Back in the '90's this was supposed to symbolize his wealth (like Leona Helmsley).  What is ironic about this is that in 2003 he married Stephanie McMahon, whose father owns the WWE.  This marriage was for real, unlike the storyline marriage they had in the 90's.  Now in 2011, HHH is in senior management of the company, and even campaigned heavily for his mother-in-law when she ran for the Senate. During this match, the announcers went back and forth between calling him Triple H and "Helmsley".  Nowadays, while some wrestlers call him "Hunter", the other two H's are forgotten.

Anyway, back to the match.  It was a back and forth affair for quite a long time, with several false-finishes where each man NEARLY, but not quite, escaped over the top of the cage.  At one point, HHH had his head and arms out the door, with The Rock hanging on to his feet.  While the door was open, HHH "accidentally" punched the referee, Earl Hebner, knocking him unconscious.  While the ref lay prone, The Rock managed to escape, earning him the victory.  But the official did not see it!  When Rocky realized what had happened, he and HHH took the match outside the ring, beating each other into the crowd and over to the announcer's table.  Then The Rock grabbed a microphone, and treated us all to a little "Attitude Era" dialogue:  

ROCK: Now The Rock obviously had the match won, but that jabroni, rooty-toot candy-ass obviously didn't see The Rock win.  So before The Rock whips your monkey-ass some more, in front of all of his fans, The People's Champ's got a little gift, compliments of The Rock and the fans of Birmingham...

FANS: (cheer)

HHH: (rolls around barely conscious)

ROCK: (picks up a chair, and beats HHH over the head)

JIM ROSS: Oh my God!  Great God Almighty! The Rock just hit HHH with a steel chair!

ROCK: (putting on announcer's headphones conveniently waiting for him): You're damn right that's what The Rock did.  That's exactly what The Rock does best: lays the smack down on his candy ass! Look at his ass!  There's the blood---the blood of HHH.  It's not the People's blood; it's monkey piss!  Monkey piss is oozing out of his head! Come here jabroni!  Have some more you sonofabitch (slamming HHH into the tv monitor). What do you think of that?

And then, after setting HHH ("deeply lacerated") onto the announce table, The Rock climbed onto the ring apron and leaped onto HHH, shattering the table.

At this point, The Rock  (to loud "Rocky Rocky") chants dragged his opponent back into the ring, while Hebner slowly regained his consciousness.  Then, just as The Rock had nearly climbed out of the cage, out of the back came England's own British Bulldog, Davey Boy Smith! The Bulldog was a heel at this time, and he began fighting with The Rock. And then Shane McMahon (now HHH's real life brother-in-law) came down and assaulted the Bulldog, until he was viciously bodyslammed onto the concrete floor.  Then the British Bulldog went into the ring to keep fighting the Rock, while Chyna came down to help.  At one point she slammed the door into The Rock's face so hard that the whole cage shuddered--pretty sick!  While The Rock was being assaulted by the Bulldog, HHH escaped the cage over the top.  

Then, to cap things off, while a bloody HHH was celebrating with Chyna, a pissed-off looking Vince McMahon (who at that time was a regular character on the show, as well as real-life boss) stalked to the ring, and padlocked the door while The Rock and the Bulldog were inside!  At that point The Rock proceeded to beat Davey Boy senseless, ending the match with his trademark raised eyebrow.

What made this match so engaging was that it was kind of like two matches in one.  As Jim Ross noted, "The Rock had this match won twice", but to no avail.  We were treated to two (at least) cage matches AND the brawl outside.  And while The Rock and his fans got satisfaction from his pummeling HHH, the heel still left with the gold.  While contemporary viewers were ensured further storyline development for the coming weeks, this match is great on its own.  With excitement, brutality and two wrestlers fully exploiting their characters, this was a lot of fun to watch.

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This video was very enjoyable (the multi-DVD set might be better) to watch, and you'll get to see some fine matches.  One of the great things about professional wrestling is that the more often you watch, the more conditioned you are to certain tropes of dialogue, movements and match outcomes.  But skillful wrestlers will always find a way to surprise viewers and confound their expectations.  That's why I'll never stop watching.

Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Pro Wrestling (Pt. 1)

Even though people are usually quite surprised to hear me say this, I am a devoted fan of professional wrestling, and I have been for decades.  As a boy growing up in the Philadelphia area I used to watch WWWF (precursor to WWF/WWE) wrestling on the local channels.  When we got cable in 1981 I suddenly had access to occasional big shows at the Philadelphia Spectrum (no longer in existence) on PRISM cable (no longer in existence--boy am I old!) as well as NWA (precursor to WCW--both no longer in existence) wrestling from Georgia on WTBS.  When I was young the Philadelphia Bulletin (you guessed it--long gone) used to print summaries of WWF cards in the sports section by the baseball boxscores. 

One of my earliest memories is of the good guy (technical term: "babyface") tag team of Tony Garea and Rick Martel being robbed of the World Title by the bad guy ("heel") team of Mr. Fuji and Mr. Saito.  The Japanese heels began each match by doing a Shinto ritual with salt to sanctify the ring.  When Rick Martel went to the top rope to put the finisher on Mr. Saito, Mr. Fuji pulled the original Pearl Harbor job and threw salt in Martel's eyes. That match took place in October of 1981, and I can still see him falling to the mat in agony and getting pinned 1-2-3.  

I will confess that for a number of years (basically 1990-95) I tuned out pro wrestling.  I was one of those people who thought it was "fake".  But in the mid-1990's, around the time that WWE empressario Vince McMahon announced that wrestling was "sports entertainment" (to avoid having to have wrestlers be tested for steroids and other drugs by state boxing commissions) I realized that I have no problem with matches that have pre-determined endings.  I mean, the thing I love about sports is the drama inherent in a weak team being able to vanquish a strong one.  But I don't watch wrestling for the results, I watch it for the path the grapplers take to get there. 

I plan to write a recurring series of posts about what I like about wrestling and what it can teach us about life.  I look forward to your comments.